I'm not here to review the story line or the character development, but to discuss the points of reality that they portrayed in this movie. Not everyone who suffers from an eating disorder feels the same way these two characters did, but it's a good window for people to peer through to get a glimpse of their hardships.
I'm mainly going to go over a few parts of the movie that really hit a string with me.
One of the lines in the movie is, "Being friends with women is difficult." And damn sure it is. With the weight issue, beauty, hair, clothes, status, friends, skin color, work, school, self esteem, etc. There's so much in the in between for us to judge and compare each other to. Not that we always mean to, but haven't you ever found yourself saying, "I couldn't be friends with her."? I'm guilty of it. Sometimes I feel like someone looks "too good" to be my friend. Like, they're on another level or something and I don't even know why I'm putting them on a pedestal when they're just another human being with human being problems.
Hell, someone very close to me has a hard time having female friends because they instantly hate her for being tall, skinny, and pretty. She's had to develop an attitude against all that which makes her look more distant, when in reality, she's made herself a fortress against the unreasonable hate. They think she's going to take their boyfriends, or in some other cases they think she's using them to make her look better.
It's an unfair assessment and because others assume she thinks so highly of herself, it leaves her with very few friends. At least those friends are trustworthy and honest though. They're not intimidated by her looks nor do they let that get in the way of their friendship. They actually see her as a person.
Anyways, in the movie, it begins with a "Fat Acceptance" group. Everyone in the group was overweight. Then came along Darcy, a recovering anorexic. She comes in explaining that she wanted to accept herself as fat, that she thought the group was about accepting themselves as they are. Her intentions of learning how to accept herself were right, but the way she perceived herself was still warped and the view of the group wasn't to accept having fat at any weight but to get society to accept overweight people. So they just kicked her out.
"Fat Acceptance", to me, means accepting the fat that you have. Everyone has fat. Even if they're underweight. Fat is something that helps us sustain, something we need, something that if we try to get rid of completely is very dangerous to our very lives. Though too much of it, can also be dangerous. Everyone has fat. Some girls may look skinny, but have more fat than muscle. There's even a term for that, "skinny fat".
Fat, SHOULDN'T be a bad word. There are far worse words than fat. The word fat has been abused to be an insult and it's hard to take that back when it's widely used in that derogatory way. However, at the same time, you choose whether or not to be offended by the words people use. It's the intention behind it that makes it come off that way and it depends on how you choose to receive that comment. Though it's hard and it's very hard to not feel the sting of the words when people use it against you. Words may only be a strum of sound, but man, do they hurt the heart.
When people make you feel bad enough, sometimes you just can't think clearly enough to seek the right answers. Lydia, a binge eater, turned to Darcy for "anorexia lessons". At first, Darcy refused because she said that it was "fucked up". Which, yeah, I definitely think so, but at the same time, I've seen that desperation. There are people who wish they had that dedication to lose weight. Even if it was unhealthy...
Lydia wanted a quick fix, she wanted what Darcy had, but she didn't understand what Darcy had. Darcy was lonely, insecure, she could of withered away and wouldn't of cared, eating was painful, the scale was always taunting her, the mirror was her worst enemy, the gym was her home. She couldn't have regular friendships or relationships without someone telling her there was something wrong with her. She couldn't be comfortable enough with herself to allow anyone else to love her because she didn't feel good enough. She was irritable, she couldn't sleep regularly, she didn't think anything or anyone could help. She was addicted to weight loss and she couldn't find a way out.
And some people, they really want that. They want that addiction to have that satisfaction of someone telling them, "Have you lost weight? You look great!" It's not as easy to tell someone to just do it healthily, than it is to actually do it. If your heart is set on something, that's what it wants. Might not be what it needs, but desires are very strong... It doesn't take convincing, it takes obedience and willingness, a personal choice.
Another thing that I related to hardcore was this:
Lydia: Do you have an image of what you would look like beautiful? Like what your body would look like and you would look at it and just say, yes.
Darcy: No.
Lydia: Me either.
Whether you're overweight, underweight, in the middle, fit, or not. There's always one thing that we want that we don't have.
For the longest time, I'd say I want this girl's body and then this girl's body and all of them would be different (Hell, sometimes I just wanted to be a guy but I can only imagine the world of trouble they have). Really skinny or super curvy, really tall or average height. Just everything that I know I could or couldn't be, but in the end, when I looked at myself in the mirror and imagined being what I wanted to be. It wasn't good enough. I'd want something else. Nothing would ever be good enough. Not until I accepted the body I was given. That was the only way I was going to see myself beautiful. I can't be anything but me.
Then at the end, definitely my favorite excerpt from the movie is this:
"Overweight or under weight, or changing weight or not having anything to do with weight at all. Maybe we'll start with making a list of all of our unacceptable body parts just to get our feelings out, but more importantly I think we just need to find a way to let our feelings out because these bodies, they're us.
And I don't understand how we can live in them all day, every day and still find them so strange.
How can we hate them? They're beautiful, and pathetic, and miraculous, and sad, and everything that we have in life we get through them. I don't know, maybe we can help each other fix them up a little, but sooner or later we are just going to have to find a way to love them for what they are. To be able to accept what that looks like for each one of us.
I don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon but we have to try, we just have to try… and I can't do that by myself."This is the break down, and I love the part when she said, "Or not having anything to do with weight at all." There's so much more beyond weight that we can be insecure about.
This movie was really interesting to watch because it portrayed many things people can relate to. Being lonely, being insecure, being scared of being average, trying to do things alone, trying to find companionship, trying something new and failing, being bullied, feeling like you're never going to be good enough.
It's not exactly a movie I'd watch casually but it's a good reminder for myself that everyone is battling something and that kindness and love toward others and to myself can allow positive movement to open up.
I don't often talk to others about my problems and insecurities but sometimes knowing that others are also in the struggle helps me know that I'm not alone and that not everyone is always okay. I'm not the odd one out that hasn't figured myself out. Everyone is going through something. Everyone gets confused and lost. Everyone gets down on themselves at some point or another. None of us are ever 100% all the time and some of us don't even know what being 100% is like.
We feel pressure from every aspect of life and it can change us into people we don't want to be. I want to be able to take hold of myself and know who I am and accept who and what I am.
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