My birthday was early September and it's already November!
October just breezed by for me.
I really wanted to make this post because I want to share with all of you the changes I've gone through from the past years. Many of us struggle with our self image and ourselves as individuals. I know that all too well and I guess the purpose of this post is to let people know that you can change if you want to. That even though you can't control life and the things around you, you can take a hold of yourself and make things better for yourself by changing your outlook and take steps to improve your lifestyle. No one can make you feel better or make life better unless you actively do it for yourself and believe in yourself.
Let's start with this collage below!
Yes, I am 23 years old AND married, for those of you who didn't know by now x]
We've been together ever since I was 14 and he was 15. He can vouch for me when I say I've struggled with my self esteem. He's grown up with me and has watched me change. Not just my style or my hair, but the person I've become.
You can kind of see it in my face from 2008 to 2012 how much confidence I've gained in my expression, and how much weight I lost. Also how much better my makeup and hair became! Hahaha!
Even though most people say I look completely different from when I was a teenager. There are times that I still feel the exact same discomfort of who I was and how I looked. How I hated the skin I was in and the touch of another person from the self disgust that I had.
(See how miserable and disconnected I was? Haha.)
Several years of self destructive behavior isn't easy to recoil in comparison to the amount of time it took me to improve my physical appearance. There really hasn't been a day that I've forgotten how I currently look and have to remind myself by looking in the mirror or a recent picture. Hell, sometimes I still surprise myself that I don't look like the girl above. I have to remind myself that's not who I am anymore.
Each year has gotten better though. As I better my relationship with myself and understanding where my insecurities come from, I can figure out ways to move forward.
One of the most helpful things upon improving my outlook of myself has been fashion and beauty related interests. Early in my relationship with my husband I decided I wanted to be more girly so he can be proud of being with me. I wanted to look nice for him. Now I wouldn't recommend anyone to change themselves for another person. Do it for yourself. Lucky for me, my husband's always been a gentleman and has dearly loved me since the beginning. I didn't have to change for him to be proud of me.
Slowly that desire to look good for him transitioned into wanting to look good for myself. It turned into a hobby that I enjoyed and even skipped out on trends or popular looks and sought out a style that I felt was fun. Looking back I wouldn't say I looked very good, but at the very least I was happy and confident. Hahaha!
Here is a small example of the development of my fashion sense.
(The year 2009 is when I started growing my hair out for my wedding in 2010, and in 2011 I went back to a natural hair color for my sister's wedding.)
There is such an absurd amount of people who are insecure and have a hard time being comfortable with expressing themselves as individuals. I encourage you all to be more accepting of yourselves and to have fun.
Regardless of how you look or feel, there's always going to be someone who will think differently. What's important is what you think about yourself and how you feel. If you don't like where you are, take the steps to change. Just don't guilt trip yourself if you don't get there quickly. Old habits are hard to quit and new habits are hard to develop.
I'm still not satisfied with myself but I'm taking my time and trying to enjoy what I do have going on for me. I do my best to keep the mentality of not letting the bad outweigh the good. Our bodies are vessels for who we are, not the other way around. And each person can bring light into someone's life. Don't think so little of yourself. Just as no one can read your mind, you can't tell how much you may mean to another person.
If you're curious about what I got for my birthday and how I dressed, go to this post -- Click me!